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Battlefield: Konu - Book 1: Discovery
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part 9…(finally!)

He froze.

The rational part of his brain screamed at him for dropping his guard – that it couldn’t have possibly seen him, not in the dim light anyway. Slowly, he signalled for the others to get ready for a fire-fight – temporarily forgetting that he had the only weapon in the team. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them nod slowly and look around them for anything that could be used as a weapon. Nisha and Lidija grabbed what appeared to be hoses with triggers, while the other three scooped up wickedly sharp bone saws. The only problem? The bone saws were metal – and LR wasn’t sure if the metal would stand up against…whatever the thing’s skin was made of. Water wouldn’t do much damage against the creature – but maybe if they could drive it back and get into the units…it was a long shot, but it was their only hope. Shooting a quick glance at the creature again, he silently motioned for the team to replace their visors – not wanting any fluids to infect his team. His eyes roved up and down the creature for the umpteenth time – trying to find a weak spot. What was it that Frizz had screamed out? Aim for the head – that was it. Slightly shifting, he slowly raised the barrel of the gun so the cross-hairs were fixed on the creature’s middle eye. One shot would be all – one easy shot. He inhaled sharply and prepared to fire…

Just as the emergency lights flickered on – bathing the room in a fluorescent white glow.

In startled reflex, Nisha’s finger twitched on the trigger of her hose sending – of all things – a gout of fire at the creature. The flames – unsurprisingly – found little purchase, but made the creature zero in on them. Gulping in all the air his lungs could carry, Weihan jammed his finger on the trigger of his Pulse Cannon – wanting to destroy what the creature was. He felt little recoil as the weapon flared to life – white-hot slugs of metal spewing out both barrels. The ballistics struck the creature’s neck, cutting deeply into the thick muscle, but causing no visible damage – but it caused the creature to look at him. He suddenly felt very stupid – but he was emboldened by the fact that it was in the doorway and not inside the room. He keyed his helmet microphone just as the doorway shuddered violently. Taking note of the rapidly crumbling frame, he spoke rapidly and without much thought – most of his plans came apart once implemented anyway. Someone – the aptly named ChoasKing3 – had said that this was because the gods of chaos recognised LR as one of their own. He didn’t know what to make of that – though it didn’t sound good.

“Guys – simple game plan. We need to somehow cripple it or trap it somewhere so we can get back into the vehicles. Nish and Lidija, you apparently have flamethrower hoses. Kat, Betty and Monica – you girls have bone saws. I have my DPC and I have an energy blade if it comes to that. The doorway isn’t going to hold out for much longer…”

Wei’s voice died in his throat as the doorway finally crumbled under the repeated poundings. Concrete crumbled, steel bent and glass shattered as the creature forced its way in – revealing the full creature. The skin of its legs was lightly pebbled – like a reptile – and was an odd shade of purple. The left leg was relatively humanoid – with the exception of the knee – which was double jointed – and the foot – which was made up of the same bubbling ooze as the left hand. The right leg, however, was something mythical and frightening – all at once. It seemed to be almost crocodilian in appearance – the foot ending in razor sharp talons. It strode into the room – swaying slightly and roared. The sound was unlike anything he had ever heard before – a mix of a lion, a gorilla, an elephant and a human all blended together into a sound of animalistic fury. Weihan didn’t care whether this really was what starwars had become or not – he just wanted to destroy the creature. Hastily drawing another bead on the beast, the fired – while finishing the order.

“We need to kill it – before it kills us.”
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rowfan
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow... I almost lost a lf because I was too busy reading this to tell it what to do!
Keep up the good work!
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Sentrovasi
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

... Fairly well written. The phrasing of some parts "what the creature was", for example, was redundant (the only time that has impact is if the person had no idea what the creature was before and suddenly found out), and you seem to have some fetish for dashes: I respect the fact that they can't actually be used wrongly, but try to use other punctuation marks as well. The colon, for one, or the semicolon; the repetitiveness of the dash makes it lose any stylistic value it might normally have.

Even two commas might have been of slightly more value at points; interjections which keep bringing your sentence to a sudden halt don't exactly add value to the flow of the story.

That said, it's definitely an interesting story.
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sentrovasi wrote:
... Fairly well written. The phrasing of some parts "what the creature was", for example, was redundant (the only time that has impact is if the person had no idea what the creature was before and suddenly found out), and you seem to have some fetish for dashes: I respect the fact that they can't actually be used wrongly, but try to use other punctuation marks as well. The colon, for one, or the semicolon; the repetitiveness of the dash makes it lose any stylistic value it might normally have.

Even two commas might have been of slightly more value at points; interjections which keep bringing your sentence to a sudden halt don't exactly add value to the flow of the story.

That said, it's definitely an interesting story.


...thanks for the nitpicking...I think. Anyway, I write in fits and spurts and sometimes don't have access to my previous work for one reason or another (no net access usually), so I can't always synch up 100%. Plus...my story has morphed into something entirely different than what I first imagined it as.

Glad to see you enjoying it though! Next part coming up very soon. Hopefully by the end of next week!
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kunjuro
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Read the story and.... it was COOL!!!
just like reading a good sci-fi, suspense and thriller novel...
Anyway, LR if you need any help editing or coming up with new ideas
I can offer my services there just mail me...
Anyway anticipating the next chapter.....
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Mrkirby2
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 4:15 am    Post subject: awesome! Reply with quote

can i the dropship pilot? if theres a dropship? or do u all die? =)

edit: i like this story very much it is very good 11/10 rated by me!!

kirby: <(T.T)> thats not possible.
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Fifth
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have only one word for you, LordRex...

MOAR!!!!!!!!!

This is some very fine writing. Could use a little more editing, but it is very entertaining.
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wannabe121
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guys - Last substantial post on this was in June 08. Don't post onto it unless LR comes and says he's restarting it: so part as I know, this is over with. Fin.
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olla wrote:
... Much better than nukes, that's too North Korean IMHO.
If these nukes are north korean, implement them anyway. They wont get 3 squares before tripping on a rock and turning into salvage.
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wannabe121 wrote:
Guys - Last substantial post on this was in June 08. Don't post onto it unless LR comes and says he's restarting it: so part as I know, this is over with. Fin.


Still writing it...Real Life got in the way and some of my other muses pushed their way to the front of the line. More will be coming down the pipe soon!
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part 10 - IN PROGRESS

The creature sniffed the air, growling deep in its throat. It glanced towards the group once more before snorting. Weihan felt along the forward grip with his left hand, feeling for the button that activated the Dual Pulse Cannon’s greatest tool – the silencer. He hadn’t thought to use it before – but the noise of a prolonged gunfight would surely attract unwanted attention outside. What attention that would be…he honestly didn’t have a clue, but he wanted to be sure. Just in case. He had to act fast and the girls knew what to do…sort of. It wasn’t like he had a plan anyway – just pump it full of lead until it died. The creature bent down to sniff the door it had felled before stepping over the ruined threshold into the room. His finger found the button and – after briefly entertaining a thought that said that silencers wouldn’t be much use soon – pressed it, jamming his finger on the trigger at the same time.

The creature roared again and rose to its full height. Weihan swallowed back his fear and amazement but kept firing at the monster. Finally, a vile mixture of black and green blood spurted out of the new wounds and splattered onto the tiled floor. He knew that the slugs would keep going until they hit something thick and nigh-impenetrable – like the reactor case of a meka. Or the thick muscle of this monstrosity – whatever the scientists had created. As he tightened his grip on the weapon, his mind flashed back to a thought his father had always told him;

“Keep firing and if it bleeds – then it’s a good thing”

He moved out of his position and drew a bead on the main eye of the creature – seeing Nisha and Lidija race in with their newly acquired flamethrowers. He doubted that fire would do much to the creature – but there was a first time for everything he guessed. The hybrid powered towards the two females, raising its arms in preparation for an attack. The first swing took them off guard, but Nisha recovered enough to let a powerful blast of blue flame engulf the right arm.

STILL IN PROGRESS!!
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Rasip
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

welcome back
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Harry888888
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome story!
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part 10

The creature sniffed the air, growling deep in its throat. It glanced towards the group once more before snorting. Weihan felt along the forward grip with his left hand, feeling for the button that activated the Dual Pulse Cannon’s greatest tool – the silencer. He hadn’t thought to use it before – but the noise of a prolonged gunfight would surely attract unwanted attention outside. What attention that would be…he honestly didn’t have a clue, but he wanted to be sure. Just in case. He had to act fast and the girls knew what to do…sort of. It wasn’t like he had a plan anyway – just pump it full of lead until it died. The creature bent down to sniff the door it had felled before stepping over the ruined threshold into the room. His finger found the button and – after briefly entertaining a thought that said that silencers wouldn’t be much use soon – pressed it, jamming his finger on the trigger at the same time.

The creature roared again and rose to its full height. Weihan swallowed back his fear and amazement but kept firing at the monster. Finally, a vile mixture of black and green blood spurted out of the new wounds and splattered onto the tiled floor. He knew that the slugs would keep going until they hit something thick and nigh-impenetrable – like the reactor case of a meka. Or the thick muscle of this monstrosity – whatever the scientists had created. As he tightened his grip on the weapon, his mind flashed back to a thought his father had always told him;

“Keep firing and if it bleeds – then it’s a good thing”

He moved out of his position and drew a bead on the main eye of the creature – seeing Nisha and Lidija race in with their newly acquired flamethrowers. He doubted that fire would do much to the creature – but there was a first time for everything he guessed. The hybrid powered towards the two females, raising its arms in preparation for an attack. The first swing took them off guard, but Nisha recovered enough to let a powerful blast of blue flame engulf the shoulders, neck and head. Judging from the way the eye blinked once, the fire wasn’t dazing it in the slightest. The damned thing was even breathing in the fire with no apparent damage being done. That didn’t sound good to Weihan – he didn’t even think the vacuum of space would be of any threat to it. With one hand, he signalled Kat, Bettina and Monica to stay back. He swallowed hard again. If they attacked the creature they would be within range of those claws and spikes. Fighting in a Meka was one thing – the cockpit was a sort of escape pod that worked 75% of the time – but hand-to-hand was another.

They needed a way out – and fast. The only problem was the creature was blocking the only way out and he didn’t know how thick the walls were. As Nisha and Lidija regrouped around him, he thumbed a switch on the belt of the suit. Instantly, a small scope slid down over his right eye – giving him stress data on the area around him. As the creature shook off the last of the flames, his mind raced to the manual he had been forced to read on the DPC.

“The Dual Pulse Cannon (DPC) has been outfitted with a number of anti-Meka weaponry. The bullets are made of a high-density metallic ore that was found on the planet Taris. These bullets can shred the armour of a Battle-Axe within 4.2 seconds. When used on the experimental Battle-Axe 2, armour decimation took twice that time.

The DPC is also equipped with a powerful mini-missile launcher. This feature is activated by double-tapping the trigger within a span of 0.5 seconds. Upon successful activation, the DPC will emit a low whirring sound for two seconds to notify the user of ammunition change. When fired, the recoil will be absorbed by the DPC and used for the next shot. This allows the DPC to fire missiles in rapid succession. The blast radius is small to allow for precision shooting – but this feature should not be used indoors (See Report 54B for details). If the user is forced to fire the DPC mini-missiles indoors, safe distance of seventy (70) meters is required for the user to be clear of collateral damage.”


Weihan gulped. In preparation, he locked his sights on the middle eye of the beast and fired off a long burst. Not missing a beat, he pushed his team to the very back of the room. It would be very close – his scope showed that the distance was only 69.95 metres. Positioning himself in front of his team, he double-tapped the trigger and activated the mini-missile launcher. Ignoring the protests of his team, he drew a bead on the creature – who hadn’t moved an inch during the one-sided fight. Releasing a breath, he tapped the trigger once.

The resulting explosion sent all of them flying into darkness.

TBC...
---
Ah, now both of my stories have chapters ending in explosions.
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part 11

The first things Weihan was aware of was the cool breeze coming from somewhere and his scope had switched to night-vision. The second things were the two figures on top of him and his Dual Pulse Cannon was hanging loosely from his left hand. He shrugged to himself and was about to write the experience off as a bad dream when everything came flooding back to him. The base, the room, the diary, the call, xLucidx…and the creature. Sheer panic and terror gripped him as he tried to sit up. He didn’t know what was on top of him, but he had to know. If it was the hybrid, well – at this range a missile blast would kill him; but if he took out the creature, then it would be worth it. Steeling himself – he glanced down and was taken aback by what he saw.

Nisha and Monica were lying on his stomach – apparently having been hurled there by the shockwave. He smirked to himself and spared a glance at the doorway. There was a whole lot of blood splashed around the opening but no remains were visible. Carefully removing his team-mates from his torso, he stood up to assess the damage done. Not surprisingly, every single screen that was still intact had shattered – including the first screen where they had seen the experiment log. Surprisingly, there were no holes in his suit despite the amount of shattered glass littered on the ground. He paused – if there were no holes in his suit, why was there more blood splashed around the area? He scratched his head in confusion, holstering the DPC in its sheath and looking around the area. Everything looked fine – or as fine as things could be after a massive close-range explosion. Nisha and Monica were still out cold and the other three were…

Weihan stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at the scene. It was almost like something out of a horror movie. Ahead of him lay the torsos of the rest of his team. Just the torsos; surrounded by a large pool of blood. Forcing down his nausea, he ventured forward to try to see what had happened. Upon closer inspection, he saw that the rips and tears weren’t clean – meaning the limbs…and head had been torn out. He took in a shuddering breath and took a slight step backwards – his foot hitting something. Instinctively, he glanced down to be met with Kat’s head. Her eyes were closed and she had a look of peace and serenity on her face. That either meant one of two things – that she had been out cold or that she had known what was coming. That last thought disturbed him a lot. Deciding not to look for the other’s remains, he concentrated on the two that were still alive. Stepping over the remains, he found himself thinking of his team.

It was almost fitting that the last two alive should be Nisha and Monica. Nisha had been with him the longest and knew exactly what he wanted, but Monica was the best of the four he were saddled with. He had recommended her to be a test pilot for the new units Frizz was designing; and she had been accepted. The celebration had been limited to their team – but everyone had had too much to drink and had spilled out their innermost secrets and desires. Not surprisingly, all of the ladies had wanted to have sex with him or wanted him to be their “love slave”. The next morning, all of them had woken up with a killer headache and fuzzy memories of the night before. That had pretty much been their last party before they had been assigned to this mission. He wiped away the tears that had formed as he said a silent prayer for the departed souls.

He would mourn more later – but now, he had to get his team off the planet. He hated to do this, but he turned back to the bodies and set about removing the suits from them. Succeeding, he found the Mental Linkers – the “keys” that helped drive the units. Without a Mental Linker, one could still pilot a unit, but the results were usually fatal. He took in another deep breath before turning to Nisha and Monica – who were starting to stir. He swallowed hard at having to explain and forced himself straighter. He was the leader – their Commander. He had heard that being the Commander of a team was akin to multiple personality disorder, but hadn’t given it much thought. He licked his lips and waited for them to fully awaken.

The first thing Nisha was aware of was a cool breeze coming from somewhere. The next thing was a strange scent in the air – something akin to rusted metal, copper or blood. She stretched and slowly got to her feet; wondering why Monica was looking at a pile of clothing. She furrowed her brow…she hadn’t noticed that pile before and the clothes looked awfully familiar. She looked to the left and noticed Weihan looking at her with great sorrow on his face. She had seen that look on his face twice before and knew what it meant. He bowed her head in respect of the dead, before the situation caught up with her. The three of them were in an abandoned enemy laboratory/base with some sort of thing running around – unless it had been killed in the explosion.

The room was strangely quiet apart from stifled sobs coming from Monica’s direction and the crackle of static. LordRex paused and strained his ears. There wasn’t supposed to be any static – the batteries in his radio communicator were dead. His eyes scanned the room, looking at the broken consoles and shattered screens. He rescanned the room with his scope on every frequency – but still couldn’t figure out where the static was coming from. He stepped back and decided to look at the scene from another angle. Hopping on top one of the burnt consoles, Weihan took a glance around the room. He heard the crackle of static in his left ear and he instinctively swung his head to the left. His eyes fell upon something embedded into the wall and he squinted at it. Hopping off the console, he walked towards it – carefully avoiding the corpses.

As he got closer and his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he was surprised to see a working radio. Weihan tentatively reached out to it and his fingers brushed against the cool metal. As he pulled it from it’s wall casing, LordRex heard a click. He wet his lips and thought fast. He didn’t know who was on the other side – if it wasn’t anyone friendly, they would give away their position. But if it was someone from the base…a team that had deployed right before the lab breach. Hope surged through his body and he bit his lip to keep from crying out in joy. They would have food, fuel and much needed ammunition. But, if they were in a combat situation, they’d need a friendly voice…not a stoic Commander. Weihan lifted the radio to his lips and spoke into it.

“This is Commander Weihan Liang with the TWPRC. Is anyone out there?”

Nisha and Monica came to stand behind him, Monica still wiping away tears. He held his breath and tensed – preparing to run. The radio was silent for what seemed like an eternity and then a female voice came rushing out. The accent was Asiatic – probably Nepalese – and there were sounds of heavy battle in the background.

“Commander Liang, I am Commander Gurung. We are taking heavy hits from all sides. I don’t know how long we can hold out! I am currently holed up inside my base – coordinates 856, 254.”

Nisha checked her compass/locator bracelet and nodded to Weihan. The base was only a few sectors away. At full burn, they could be there in less than ten minutes. She relayed this information to Weihan who relayed it in turn to Commander Gurung. When she spoke, her voice was relieved.

“Great. We’ll do what we can before you get here. Gurung out.”

Weihan put down the radio and sighed. Going to help them would mean going outside and picking the fastest unit. His Cobra wasn’t going to cut it, but maybe the Supernova might – depending on the modifications added. He squared his shoulders and looked at the remnants of his team; his voice hard.

“We need to go.”
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LordRex
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not a new update (sorry those of you who are waiting), but a bit of story plan so you know where I'm going (when I eventually pick this thing back up again)

Setting: Early BT era TW. In my TW universe, changes to the field of war happen in stages. Simple BT units, mods and the first Int. BT units are to be seen in the next few chapters. Advanced BT units and mods will be seen either at the end of Book 1 or the beginning of Book 2. Everything after BT will not be used.

Direction: Book 1 is action-orientated with some fits and spurts of exposition. Book 2 will be a more wordy, exposition heavy story as the hybrid backstory is fleshed out...and the depth of their deceptions. Book 3 is the finale and will be all out action with a few twists and turns in the storyline.

Cameos: PM/reply if you want to see yourself live, die or be mutated. If you choose die, then specify your preferred method of death.

_LR
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